I think it'd be fun to be a robot for a day.

...beep boop beep...

I think it'd be fun to be a robot because I'd be so efficient. I really like efficiency.

But the kingdom is not efficient. The love of God isn't efficient- it's extravagant.

Jesus presents the kingdom as one that is established, not through power, but through patient and abounding love.

"He did not come to prove Himself. He did not come to walk on hot coals, swallow fire, or put His hand in the lion's mouth to demonstrate that He had something worthwhile to say." (p.55)

If the worthiness of Christ as my Savior is not the demonstration of His power, but the demonstration of His character, then I desire that as well. I desire that my worthiness to be His daughter would not be the demonstration of how quickly I grow or learn new concepts, but by the demonstration of how deeply rooted I am in the simple truth that He loves me as a human, not a robot.

"Dealing with burning issues without being rooted in a deep personal relationship with God easily leads to divisiveness because, before we know it, our sense of self is caught up in our opinion about a given subject. But when we are securely rooted in personal intimacy with the source of life, it will be possible to remain flexible without being relativistic, convinced without being rigid, willing to confront without being offensive, gentle and forgiving without being soft, and true witnesses without being manipulative." (45, 47)

I think Nouwen does an excellent job highlighting some of the benefits of having consistent time alone with the Lord in which we glean from His Spirit. Humbling ourself before the Lord regularly naturally creates in us a posture that wards off selfishness when interacting with other brothers and sisters in Christ. I have certainly been in the room when two Christ followers get incredibly heated discussing, debating, and even arguing about anything from Universalism to whether Lebron James will ever be better Jordan.

Without that time spent in the Lord's presence "zeroing" ourselves, we will always innately skew back towards selfishness and it will manifest itself in our interactions with others. But not in the pleasant relationships; anyone can be nice to someone who is being nice to them or who completely agrees with you on everything. It's in the relationships with those who disagree with us, offend us, harbor resentment against us, or who don't know us at all. My desire and my prayer is to be exactly the person Nouwen describes here; I want to be authentic. What kind of place could Wesley be if everyone embraced this idea; if everyone knew how to handle differences of opinion, how to stand firm without seeming headstrong, honest with one another without being judgmental, understanding without sweeping ugly short-comings under the rug, and sincere so as to keep ourselves from contriving. My prayer is that this sort of genuineness permeates through me and that the manifestations of this genuineness becomes second nature.

PS.

"Living in a community with very wounded people, I came to see that I had lived most of my life as a tightrope artist trying to walk on a high, thin cable from one tower to the other, always waiting for the applause when I had not fallen off and broken my leg." (53)

This has nothing to do with what's above, but I thought that this word picture Nouwen utilizes here brilliantly captures the sentiment that I believe most people "running the rat race" feel. They desire so badly to matter, to be noticed and since this world places so much emphasis on achievement, status, and accomplishments they really do live their life trying reach some lofty, difficult position without messing up. The thought that they are waiting for recognition for not having "fallen" really saddens me. Their validation is entirely contingent on what they achieve and there is no guarantee that they will even receive that validation when they achieve their goals. Praise God who formed and fashioned us before the foundations of this world and who desires to be with us and love us in spite of our achievements or lack there of.

“Somehow we have come to believe that good leadership requires a safe distance from those we are called to lead. Medicine, psychiatry, and social work all offer us as models in which ‘service’ takes place in a one-way direction. Someone serves, someone else is being served, and be sure not to mix up the roles! But how can we lay down our life for those with whom we are not ever allowed to enter into a deep personal relationship? Laying down your life means making your own faith and doubt, hope and despair, joy and sadness, courage and fear available to others as ways of getting in touch with the Lord of life” (Nouwen 61).

Nouwen brings up an interesting point here by discussing the seemingly contradictory nature of church leadership and the more worldly conception of leaders as givers, not receivers. If we are not whole members of our community, able to share, learn, and be edified by our fellow believers, then the whole body suffers. However, being a full part of a community does not justify leaders bringing their failings into the forefront of the ministry that they lead. Where do we draw the line between our needs and our leadership? How do we receive Godly boundaries without allowing ourselves to being exposed or becoming prey to isolation? There is nothing “safe” about distance between a leader and the people they lead, but there is also nothing simple about leading others as the broken and needy people that we are. It is easy to regulate your ministry by earthly standards of leadership, and I know that this is something I sometimes transgress on both extremes.

“It is not enough for the priests and ministers of the future to be moral people, well trained, eager to help their fellow humans, and able to respond creatively to the burning issues of their time. All of that is very valuable and important, but it is not the heart of Christian leadership.” Page 43 of In the Name of Jesus

Convicting! I really felt this personally at first because I know it is easy in my discipleship times to act like that. I can certainly be moral, well trained, etc, but what does that matter in our situation? We have such a gift with our jobs to share Jesus, but even at Wesley, in a one-on-one time with someone where it is explicitly understood that we should work in Jesus, I don't. I allow myself to be simple and very human, and while this is helpful, it is not operating in the fullness of who we are made to be in Christ. Without Christ, all of our good behavior, morality, our desire to help human kind leaves us as really devoted, really underpaid guidance counselors. We might as well be Lucy from Peanuts with her five cent counseling if we don't do everything in the understanding that we love because Christ loved us first. I quoted this verse to confess that my heart isn't always directed to the heart of Christian leadership.

"Christian leaders cannot simply be persons who have well-informed opinions about the burning issues of our time. Their leadership must be rooted in the permanent, intimate relationship with the incarnate Word, Jesus, and they need to find there the source for their words, advice, and guidance." - page 45.

Amen! We cannot depend on our own minds for the right words to say or right advice/guidance to give. We must depend completely on our relationship with Jesus and his mind to be the source. It's true humility. It also ties into the "From Leading to Being Led" theme of the last section of the book. We must be led by Jesus in all areas of our lives, and not lead ourselves by our own judgement and wisdom.

"Often it seems that beneath the pleasentries of daily life there are many gaping wounds that carry such names as abandonment, betrayal, rejection, ruture, and loss. These are all the shadow side of the second love and reveal the darkness that never completely leaves the human heart.

The radical good news is that the second love is only a broken reflection of the first love and that the first love is offered to us by a God in whom there are no shadows." pg 40

Radically good news, indeed. So many people, including Christians, don't know that God's love is not like ours. We love, in our often inconsistent, conditional, half-hearted way, only because He loved us first. His love is pure and complete. Ours can't even compare. This year I want to grow in real love and display it so that it looks different than what people have seen before. I want the girls I disciple to more fully understand God's love for them so that they are overwhelmed and spurred on to righteousness. And, I want that for our whole staff too. I know I forget this all the time. When I have been distant from the Lord, I think He must be so disappointed, and I return to Him with my tail between my legs. I forget that when He says He loves us unconditionally and that His love never fails and it never changes, well, it's true. That is radically good news.